


Through It All

by parker_holland_osterfield



Series: All Grown Up [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, College Student Peter Parker, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, My First Smut, Oral Sex, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-10 02:23:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20127805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parker_holland_osterfield/pseuds/parker_holland_osterfield
Summary: "I knew the whole dating-a-superhero thing was going to be hard. But I guess I didn't know just how hard because...because I don't know how much more I can take."





	Through It All

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY VERY FIRST SMUT, HOLY SHIT. I technically wrote this as a sequel to my fic, San Francisco, but you can 100% read this on its own. Like San Francisco, this is a song-based fic, this time on "If I Can't Have You" by Shawn Mendes. Enjoy!!
> 
> As always, please don't repost my work anywhere else without my permission. Thanks!

** _I’m in Toronto and I’ve got this view_ **

** _But I might as well be in a hotel room_ **

It still surprises you how you and Peter had dated for just over a year before you found out he was Spider-Man- when you caught him climbing through the window of your shared apartment at the exact moment you were walking in the door.

“Peter...what’s going on here?”

“...Let’s face it, this is not the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.”

“...Are those...claw marks?”

This revelation actually made your relationship stronger; you were more than supportive of Peter and he didn’t feel weighed down anymore by the burden of hiding this giant secret from you.

** _It doesn’t matter ‘cause I’m so consumed_ **

** _Spending all my nights reading texts from you_ **

“New text message from Y/N.”

“Thanks, Karen. Display it for me?”

*heading off to bed*

*hope your mission is going well*

*love you <3*

Peter couldn’t help but smile. “Karen, text back: love you too, sleep well and call me when you wake up.” He saw his words appear on the screen in front of him, quickly followed by the three typing dots and one last kiss emoji. He took off his mask and stared out at the city skyline. He wished he could be there with you, arms around your waist, breathing in the scent of your favorite lemon shampoo, listening to your heartbeat slow as you drifted off and lulling him to sleep too. But Fury just had to send him on another mission.

He pulled his mask back on to hear Fury yelling into his ear, “Parker?? Do. You. Copy.”

“Yeah, yeah. I copy, I copy. Sorry, I was just-”

“Do I sound like I care? Are you in position?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m in position.”

“Good. Because he’s coming out.”

On cue, a door burst open down at the street level and a man dressed in all black came running out, slamming the door behind him. Peter wouldn’t have been able to see him if it hadn’t been for his suit.

“Okay,” Peter mumbled to himself. “Let’s get this over with.”

** _Is it wrong for me to not want half?_ **

** _I want all of you, all the strings attached_ **

It was another week before Fury was satisfied the job was done and Peter could go home. Home to you. Normally, Peter would have called you ahead of time to let you know he was coming home but since this last mission was so long, he wanted to surprise you.

You were definitely surprised.

You unlocked the door to your apartment and went in, leaning on the door until it closed and heaving the biggest sigh known to mankind. You would think that being on summer vacation, you wouldn’t be stressed, right? Wrong. You had picked up an extra job for the summer, since you had more time with college being out of session, so that you could earn a little bit extra money to live on. But with your luck, not only were you working two jobs that left you dead on your feet by the end of the day, you had to spend every waking and sometimes non-waking minute worrying about Peter. You really did love him and fully support his Spider-Man-ing, but the whole superhero gig was starting to wear on you.

You kicked your shoes off at the door and trudged to the kitchen, tossing your keys into the bowl on the counter and opening the fridge to pull out some leftovers from a couple of nights before. It was only then that you had the strangest feeling that you weren’t alone. You put on the web-shooter Peter made you in case of an emergency and crept around the apartment, checking every room. Living room and kitchen were clear, as was the bathroom. Only place left to check…

You turned the handle to the bedroom as slow as humanly possible and pushed it open. You didn’t see anything immediately but when you heard the closing of dresser drawers, you flung the door open all the way, hand up at the ready, and saw-

“P...Peter?”

Your boyfriend whipped around, eyes wide, but his expression immediately softened into his signature goofy smile when he saw it was just you. “Hey, love.”

You hand dropped to your side as you took in the sight in front of you. Peter. Standing at the foot of your bed. Hair freshly wet and curly, clad in nothing but a towel hanging low on his hips, so he obviously just got out of the shower. “Oh...oh my god, Peter.” You ripped the web-shooter off and dropped it on the floor, flinging yourself into his arms. You felt his chest vibrate with his deep chuckle as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and bury his face in your hair. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”

“Well, I- I thought about it because it’s what I always do. But I guess I just thought...I dunno. I was just gone for so long this time that I thought, hey what if I just show up? Like, surprise! I’m home! I dunno, it- it sounds so stupid now that I think about it but…” he paused to look you in the eye. “God, I missed you so much.”

Peter cupped your face in his hands and tipped your lips up to meet his. Gentle at first, loving. You had barely pulled away when he drew you back in. This time his kiss was passionate. Needy. Like he had been stuck stumbling through a desert and you were the drink of water that was pulling him back from the brink of death.

You let out an involuntary moan as his tongue swiped against your bottom lip, asking for entrance, and you obliged. Your fingertips brushed at his stomach and up to his abs, his chest, his shoulders, until you reached the little curls at the base of his neck. You squeaked as Peter suddenly lifted you up by your thighs and you felt your back hit the mattress with a gentle thud. You shifted up the bed as Peter hovered over you, eyes clouded with lust and hunger. Once in position, he reconnected your lips with a throaty groan before pulling away entirely and commanding, “Strip for me, baby.”

You were quick to do so. Your shirt was left abandoned on the floor, your jeans following shortly after. You started to lay back when you heard, “I don’t know why you stopped.” Peter was leaning on his hands at the edge of the bed, his eyes dark. “I told you to strip, didn’t I?”

You giggled. “Well, yes. But I thought you might want to finish the job.”

He chuckled almost menacingly, sending chills up your spine. “While I do enjoy ripping your clothes off you, baby girl, I want you to do it.”

So you reached behind you to unclasp your bra, dropping it on the floor with your other articles but as you reached to waistband of your panties, you were stopped.

“On second thought. I think I’ll get this part.” Peter’s smirk was borderline wicked as he crawled up the bed to you. “Because this,” he whispered as he kissed your stomach just above your waistband, “is my favorite part.”

Your breath hitched as he slowly pulled the offending article down your legs and dropped it on the floor behind him. He cupped his hands behind your knees and pushed your legs up, providing him a clear view of what he wanted. He let out an almost animalistic moan as he sucked a bruise on your inner thigh. “Fuuuck babe, you’re so wet for me already. Have I really neglected you that much?”

You were too out of breath already to answer besides nodding frantically but you pushed out a moan as Peter sucked a hickey on your opposite thigh.

“I asked you a question, Y/N. Have I not been paying my girl enough attention lately?”

“N-No.”

“No, what?”

“No, you ha-haven’t. I’ve been so lonely, Peter, please, I'm begging you, please do something.”

“Anything?” You could hear his teasing smirk in his tone but you couldn’t care less at this particular moment.

“Yes, please Peter. FUCK, yes anything, but please, Peter, I need you.” You were desperate now and open to anything Peter wanted to give you.

“Well I guess I should, then, considering I’ve kept you waiting this long.” With that, he dipped his head down, barely swiping the tip of his tongue through your juices. “How about that?”

The slightest touch and you were already trembling. “Mmm, more Peter. Please, baby, please. Please, I need you so bad, baby, please.”

“Well, since I do feel sorry for not treating my girl like the goddess she is,” Peter ducked his head down so you could feel his hot breath against the place you needed him most, “your wish is my command.” And he dove in.

It had been so long since you and Peter had been like this that the feeling of his lips sucking on your clit knocked the breath right out of you, one hand fisting his still-damp curls while the other clung onto the sheets next to you for dear life. “Oh shit. Ugh, P-Peter. Peter, fuck!”

He swirled his tongue around your swollen bud a couple more times before venturing further down, licking up your slit and dipping the tip into your hole.

“Ugh, goddamn it, yes! Peter! Peter, I...I…”

He chuckled, the vibrations feeling heavenly on your heat. “Close already, princess?”

“Fuck, YES! Oh my god, Peter, please. Don’t...don’t stop.” You hadn’t realized just how close you were until it felt like you were about to burst.

“I won’t, angel. Come for me, baby, all for me.” He drove his tongue all the way in and that was all it took for the tightening cord inside you to snap. You came harder than you had in a long time, your eyes squeezing shut and your mouth falling open, silent at first but quickly replaced by the most pornagraphic moan you’d ever let out. Black spots danced in front of your eyes as you came down from your high, your grip on Peter’s hair loosening to where he could look up at you.

You were met with a sight that immediately wound you up again: Peter’s hair a curly, knotted mess, his eyes fully clouded with arousal, your juices glossy on his lips and freely dripping down his chin. You tried to sit up to reach down and pull him up to your but your elbows gave out, causing you to whine in frustration. Peter gently shushed you, crawling up the bed between your spread legs and hovering over you. He pressed his lips to yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth to let you taste yourself on him, reigniting the fire between you.

You removed the towel from his waist as quickly as you could with shaking hands, discarding it on the floor and starting to pump his length. He grunted harshly into your mouth as his hips thrust forward to meet your strokes. You swiped your thumb across his tip, collecting the bead of pre-cum that was leaking out. You pulled away and replaced his tongue with your thumb, closing your eyes and moaning at the taste. Peter let his head fall into the crook of your neck, starting to suck a hickey there, too. “I’d ask you to suck me off first but I need you so bad, I don’t know how much I’d be able to take before I burst.”

You let out a breathy laugh and turned your head to kiss him once more, your hand traveling down to position him at your entrance. “Please.”

Peter thrust his hips forward just enough to push in the head. Pausing to relish the feeling, he started slowly pushing in further, inch by inch, not wanting to hurt you, until his hips met yours. Choking out a throaty groan, he copied your expression from earlier as he got used to the feeling of you around him again. He stayed like that until you started bucking your hips, begging him to move. “You sure you’re good?”

“Absolutely.” You pecked his lips to reassure him.

Peter started off slow, pulling out a little more each time until only the tip was left in. “Ready?”

You returned his devilish smirk from earlier. “Don’t hold back.”

With that, Peter slammed his hips forward, pulling out slowly before repeating the action. Gradually, he picked up speed until he was pounding into you, the only sounds being your combined moans and pants and the slap of his hips against yours.

“Fuck. Fuck, I missed you. I missed this. Ah! You feel so good. Always so tight for me, Y/N, shit!”

Your fingernails raked down his back as he lifted your knee to rest on his hip, allowing for a deeper angle that had him hitting that perfect spot inside you with every thrust. “Just like that, Peter, fuck! Don’t stop, please, please don’t stop!” Your pleas only egged him on, wrapping both of your legs around his waist. Your hips now completely off the bed, his pelvic bone was rubbing against your clit with every thrust. You felt him twitch inside you, causing your muscles to clench around him, signalling that you were close again. “Peter, Peter I’m-”

“I know, baby, I know. Me too. FUCK!” He clamped his lips down on the fleshy spot between your jawbone and your neck and starting sucking yet another hickey, sending you hurtling towards your orgasm.

“Oh my g-...fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, PETER!” You gasped as you hit your second high of the night.

Your walls clamped down around his throbbing length, tipping him over the edge. His head still buried in your neck, Peter’s mouth dropped open as he started panting, hot ropes of his cum painting your walls white. The two of you moaned in unison as your walls tightened at the feeling of him filling you with his seed, milking him of a few more long spurts before his shoulders went slack and he rested himself on top of you, gasping for air. You threaded your fingers through his tangled post-sex curls and began gently massaging his scalp, easing him down from his high.

** _I’m good at keeping my distance_ **

** _I know that you’re the feeling I’m missing_ **

** _You know that I hate to admit it_ **

** _But everything means nothing if I can’t have you_ **

Everything went back to normal after Peter got home. Well, as normal as everything can get when your boyfriend is Spider-Man. You both still went to work in the morning, he stopped at the apartment to change into his suit before going on patrol, and you had dinner waiting for him by the time he got back. But everything still didn’t feel...right. You both easily fell back into your routine but something was still off.

Peter was distant. You weren’t sure if he was still just tired from his last mission or if there was something else going on. Something he was hiding from you.

You decided to confront him during one of your weekly movie nights, the one night a week he decides to not go patrolling after work. You and Peter, the couch, fuzzy blankets, popcorn and candy, and movies you’ve each seen a million times but refuse to stop rewatching (most often, Star Wars).

The two of you had polished off two movies and almost three bowls of popcorn before you felt ready to ask. “Hey, Pete?”

He hummed and looked down at you, his thumb caressing your calf. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah. Actually, I-I was going to ask you the same thing.”

His brows furrowed as he tried to puzzle out what you meant. “Well, yeah. I’m, I’m fine. Why?”

You ducked your head, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know, I just...You’ve been...I mean…” You took a deep breath as you collected your words. “I’ve been getting the feeling that you’ve been a little distant lately. And I-I guess I just...wanted to know that everything’s okay and that I was just going crazy because I’m not used to you being home all the time anymore.” You looked back up at him, hoping that he had some kind of explanation, the reassuring kind. But your face dropped when he looked away, gently nudging your legs off of his lap. So he was hiding something.

“Peter,” you spoke up, your tone suddenly serious, “what’s going on?” Peter’s mouth opened and closed, trying to find something to say, but he finally just sighed and quit trying. “W-What are you...what are you keeping from me?” You forced down the lump forming in your throat, trying to remain strong.

“I...got another call from Fury. Those bad guys I took down the last time, he has reason to believe there’s more of them out there.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“Out where?” Silence. “Where is he sending you, Peter?”

Peter looked up at the ceiling to try and stop his own tears. “Mexico.”

You gritted your teeth. “When.”

“...day after tomorrow.”

That was it. The last straw.

“When were you planning on telling me this, Peter? Tomorrow night while you’re packing your bags? The next morning when you’re sneaking out, trying not to wake me up? As soon as you landed there? God, Peter!” You were pacing the room at this point, running your hands through your hair and tugging at the roots.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know I just got back and I promise that I tried to get out of it. I tried asking him if there was really no one else that could do it but he said that I was the easiest choice because I already know these guys and-”

“Screw what Fury says! I couldn’t care less about what he thinks! And I know I’m sounding really selfish right now but is it so bad for me to wish things could just go back to the way they were before I found out you were Spider-Man?” You stopped with your back facing Peter, your arms folded and chest heaving. You suddenly felt like throwing up.

You didn’t have to guess Peter’s expression. Eyes wide with guilt, mouth fallen slightly open, brows pulled together. “You...you wish I wasn’t Spider-Man?”

You whipped around to face him. “No. God no, Peter, please don’t misunderstand me. I fully support you as Spider-Man. I love what you’ve been doing and why you’ve been doing it. But I just...sometimes...sometimes I just wish that we could be just another normal couple.”

“But I’m-I’m not normal. Believe me, I have my moments where I wish I was just Peter Parker and I didn’t have to keep running off on you. I hate having to leave you alone for so long.”

You took another deep breath to push down the feeling of nausea starting to creep up. “I knew the whole dating-a-superhero thing was going to be hard but I thought I could handle it, and I have.”

“I know. And you’ve been doing an amazing job of it and-”

“But I guess I didn’t know how hard it was going to be because…” you rushed out. “Because...Peter, I-I don’t know how much more I can take.”

Peter shot up off the couch and cupped your face in his hands. “No, no, nonononono. Y/N, baby, listen to me. I know how hard it is and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything I’ve put you through-”

“Peter-”

“And I-I-I, I promise I will be home even sooner this time. I’m gonna catch these guys as fast as I can-”

“Peter, please don’t-”

“And I’m gonna be home before you even realize I’m gone and after that, I’m gonna ghost Fury as many times as it takes for him to leave me alone and find someone else to help him-”

“Peter, please, just stop!” You pushed his hands away from you and took a couple steps back. “I can’t. Do this. Anymore. The constant back and forth, here for a week and then gone for two, it’s tearing me apart! I love you so much, Peter, that it hurts but I just. Can’t. Keep on like this.” You breathed heavily, trying to keep from throwing up as you watched tears form in Peter’s eyes. It was only then that you realized your own face was drenched and you tried your best to wipe them away. “Go on your mission, Peter. Take as long as you need to make sure those sons of bitches are 100% gone. Just know that I might not be here when you get home.” With that, you can’t hold it back anymore, rushing to the bathroom and heaving into the toilet.

** _I’m trying to move on,_ **

** _Forget you, but I hold on_ **

The mission ended up lasting only a couple of days. Peter wanted to be happy but he quickly remembered his situation back at home and the glow in his heart became dull. He called you once Fury gave him the all-clear to go home, when he was finally in the air, and as soon as he had touched down again just outside of town. He fought an internal battle the whole way: should he go home and confront you, try to fix things, or should he give you some space for a couple more days? If he went home, would you be happy to see him so soon or would you insist he stay away? And vice versa, would you prefer he stay away or would you be mad that he didn’t come home?

Apparently, he just auto-piloted because before he knew it, he was standing at the door of your shared apartment, mustering up the courage to knock. Just as he was thinking it wasn’t too late to drive to Queens and surprise May, you appeared in the doorway. You honestly looked a mess; you had dark circles under your eyes, there was hardly any color in your cheeks, your hair was halfway falling out of your ponytail. But Peter still thought you were the most beautiful sight he’d seen in days.

You gave him a thin smile. “I uh, I had a feeling you were out here. You don’t happen to know if that spider stuff is contagious, do you?”

He choked out a laugh, relieved that it at least seemed like you didn’t hate him. “Uh, no. No, it’s not.”

You rolled your eyes, playing along. “Well then there must still be something wrong with me because you’re so good at sneaking up on me, I don’t know what was different this time.” You let out a little laugh before stepping back from the doorway. “Well what are you just standing there for? Come in.”

Peter was a little hesitant and for good reason. The last time he was here, you would barely say a word to him, apart from asking what he wanted for dinner and waking him up so he didn’t miss his flight. But you seemed genuine, so he followed. He remarked at how everything looked the same as when he left. You caught on to his moment of confusion. “You okay?”

“You...you didn’t...everything’s the same as it was before.”

“Y-Yeah, why?”

“I thought...I thought you were leaving?” He turned to look at you, dropping his bag and pulling you into his arms when he saw the tears starting to fill your eyes. “Hey, hey, hey. Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

“But I’m not. I’m-I’m not okay, Peter. I wanted to leave, I did. I even started looking at different apartments, I looked into whether it would be possible for me to move back into the dorms on campus. But I realized I-I couldn’t. I c-couldn’t, couldn’t just leave you like that. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

Peter tilted your chin up to look in your eyes. “Why? After everything I’ve done to you, why would you want to stay?”

You sniffed back the tears and swallowed the growing lump of nausea rising in your throat. “Because I was able to stop and think. I realized that I’m not the only one that’s had to make sacrifices. You’ve had to risk so much for so much longer. I realized that everything you ever did, you did for me.” You grasped Peter’s hands and brought them to your cheeks. “You did for us.”

Now it was Peter’s turn to choke back the tears as he forced out a relieved laugh and cupped your face fully. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on yours, prompting you to lean up and close the distance between your lips. Gentle, loving pecks turned into kisses on foreheads and noses and cheeks, turned into deep, passionate ‘I missed you so much, I can’t believe you’re back here with me, I’m never letting you go again’ lip-locks. The feeling of your arms draped around Peter’s neck and your legs clinging around his waist, his arms supporting you under your thighs, just felt...right. It made you both feel whole again.

You just stood there, holding each other, until you patted Peter’s chest to let you down. “Here, I’ll go put your bag on the bed. Why don’t you decide which takeout and movie pairing we get tonight?”

Peter hummed. “Sounds perfect.”

You did as you said, carrying his bag down the hallway to your bedroom, while he opened the kitchen drawer that held all of the takeout menus. But when he pulled them all out, a slip of paper fell out onto the tile floor. Peter set the menus on the counter, bending down to pick up the paper, turning it over in the process.

His brows furrowed in confusion at the splotchy, black and white photograph. “Hey, babe?” he called out. He looked up when you re-entered the room and turned the picture around so you could see. “What’s this?”

** _Is it too late to tell you that_ **

** _Everything means nothing if I can’t have you?_ **


End file.
